The Truth.

Listen to this song.

Sometimes it’s really hard to tell the truth. Sometimes you have to pretend to be okay and maybe just maybe life will get better. I’ve gone through a lot the last couple? few? many? months. To be honest, I was completely scared of what I was going to do. For the first time in my life I did not have a plan. I put off graduate school, I put off finding a real job, I put off everything and was living in this stupid little world where all I did was sleep.
I pushed people out of my life that had been there for years. They were there but maybe not always in a good way, or in a way that I needed them to be. Sometimes their voices and opinions would fog up my mind. But, I am not blaming any of them for my decisions.
I’ve battled with depression, anxiety and self-doubt (among other things) throughout my adolescent and adult years. I’ve always talked to friends and decided that their opinions were what were most important in my life. This summer, I’ve finally hit the lowest of the low. I lost two of the people who had been the most important people in my life at one point. I tried OD-ing. I got drunk. I started going to therapy. I got put on anti-depressants. The lowest point, ever. And I can tell you right now that I’ve gone through things that many people would think would be worse than this, but right now its not, right now this is the worst.
I’ve been trying to get better. My family has been a big help. My parents are my biggest supporters. My sisters are amazing.  My boyfriend is beyond wonderful. My bosses have been understanding. I could honestly not be able to sit here and write this write now without my friends. The walks, the drives, the late nights in parks, the texts, the phone calls at 10 am, 3am, or 4pm, the hugs, the laughs, the adventures, the craziness, listening to me scream at them because of all the pent up anger and sadness. Thank you friends, you know who you are.
I honestly, from this point on do not care about anyone from my past. It’s called the past for a reason, right? Honestly, I wish them the best of luck. I wish them love, happiness, friendship, trust. I hope they find what they’re looking for. I hope and smile and honest to God wish them the best, for this is the last time I’ll think about you. The last time I’ll cry. The last time I’ll be upset and mad. Because at one point I loved you with all my heart, and I got scared and pushed you away, and you got scared and didn’t trust me, and I didn’t trust you. We lost the mutual love, the friendship. But it’s okay. Because you’re going to be okay and I’m going to be okay.
I am going to be happy, and this is the final part of my cleanse.

“Rain came pouring down when I was drowning. That’s when I could finally breathe. And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean”

Premio Dardos Award!!! (:

premiodardosblogaward-2Thank you Nicole for the amazing nomination!!! I’m so happy, this is so exciting!!! Check out her blog here. (:

Here are the fifteen bloggers who I nominate for this award:

  1. Leigh https://grammardeputyatyourservice.wordpress.com/
  2. Jason http://aopinionatedman.com/harsh-reality/
  3. Frosty https://thefrostyperspective.wordpress.com/
  4. Darly https://darlydarly.wordpress.com/
  5. Jihane https://cosmicbeautyvoyage.wordpress.com/
  6. Nikita https://nikitakimberly.wordpress.com/
  7. Aspen https://aspenofmars.wordpress.com/
  8. Maddy https://maddyinindia.wordpress.com/
  9. Celia http://celiafitzgerald.com/
  10. Single LA Girl http://dearmenofla.com/
  11. Amanda https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com/
  12. Sharon https://learningtolovemyself21.wordpress.com/
  13. Elan http://tricksterchase.com/
  14. Goose https://thehonkinggoose.wordpress.com/
  15. People Who Know Shit https://thebigblogofknowledge.wordpress.com/

Rules:

1. When you accept the award given please post it on your blog along with the name of of the person that has granted the award and link to his or her blog.

2. Include the image of the “Premios Dardos” in the post

3. Pass the award onto another 15 wonderful blogs worthy of this acknowledgement.

Thank you all for the amazing things you write (:

“Writing is the only way I have to explain my own life to myself.”
Pat Conroy, My Reading Life

Disneyland Forever Fireworks

So, as you all may or may not know, I’m completely obsessed with Disney. Like all things Disney. I love Disneyland. Last week, Lucas and I went twice in two days. On Thursday, I spent the day park hopping between California Adventure and Disneyland because Lucas took his cousin to CA Adventure and my uncle, aunt and cousins were at Disneyland, so I tried hopping between the parks.

It took us from about 9:30 am to 2:30 pm to do all the big rides at California Adventure, or at least get fast passes to the rides, even though some we couldn’t go back to ride right away. On the other hand, I got to experience both parades at Disneyland that day. The Soundsational Parade [which is so so so amazing, it’s really worth the wait], and the Paint the Night Parade [ which is too short for my liking, it’s not worth the wait]. So that day I got to do a lot at both parks.

The next day, Friday, Lucas and I went by ourselves. We arrived fairly late, but the whole point of going this time around was to watch the fireworks from a decent place in the park. During the 24 hour day at Disneyland, we were able to experience the Disneyland Forever Fireworks, but mostly just the projections that are up on Main Street. It was amazing. Friday, on the other hand, we found a spot right in front of the castle about an hour and a half before the fireworks started. This is not a place for you to be able to watch the Paint the Night Parade comfortably, or at all, since there are many people in the way.

We sat down, and as time got closer and closer to the fireworks starting, more and more people tried to shove their way into our personal space, so I recommend you bring a blanket or something to mark your territory.

We were able to sit for most of the time, but as soon as the fireworks and the display on the castle started, everyone began standing up, so we did too.

The whole show was amazing and it definitely makes your cry, or at least gives you goosebumps. Like a whole lot of them. If you don’t believe me read this.

One of my favorite things was that I was able to take photos in front of the castle with no other people in them. It was amazing (:

Here are some photos from the show:

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“To all that come to this happy place: welcome. Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past, and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams, and the hard facts that have created America… with hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world.”

– Walt Disney

Chicago

So, I went to Chicago a couple weeks ago and it was the worst experience of my life! Don’t get me wrong, the city itself is so freaking amazing. I loved it. I hadn’t been to Chicago in about 7 years and I did all the touristy things all by myself. It was amazing!!!

The truth is, I learned a lot about myself on this trip. It gave me some time to reflect on what I want in life. It gave me time to grow up. It gave me time to experience things alone.

Here are some of the touristy things I did while in Chicago:

First, it is important that you find out where to go via google maps and take screenshots, because throughout a lot of the “L” there is not a lot of service so it can be easy to get lost within the train if you don’t know where to get off and where you are going.
*TIP* bring earphones so people don’t know that you are a tourist, so you can still hear the directions in your ear. (;

I walked around Wrigley Field. Walked around and inside Navy Pier, though did not go into the museum.  I walked around The Loop [which is what I think is Chicago’s downtown area]. Walked through Millennium Park [aka where The Bean and the Crown Fountain are located]. Walked through the Lurie Garden & Grant Park.  Went to the Water Tower Place [which is a huge 7 story mall, with everything imaginable]. Walked up and down Michigan Ave. Went to the Disney store and found some awesome Chicago Disney shirts. Walked by the Art Institute. Walked to Buckingham Fountain. Went to the Taste of Chicago [which is a really yummy festival where you can taste a whole bunch of food for a certain price and it was totally worth it]. Ate some deep dish pizza at Lou Malnati’s. Touched Lake Michigan at the North Shore Beach. Conquered my fear of heights at the Sears [Willis] Tower.

Things I learned:
– going on adventures alone is awesome, you don’t have to waste your time on something you don’t wanna do and you can do whatever you want, in the order you want it, however long you want it.
– Always. Carry. Pepper spray
– Starbucks is always a good choice if you need to use the bathroom, charge your phone, rest.
– Always carry cash, even if it’s just $20.
– The place to buy your ticket for the L can sometimes reject your card, ask one of the people who work there to help you.
– If you actually own a selfie stick, it is probably easier to use it than ask a stranger to take your photo, cuz sometimes it’s super annoying and they usually never take the photos how you want them.
– Bars close late in Chicago, like 4 am.
– Most people are really nice, especially when they know you’re from out of town.
– If you really wanna explore, bring some comfy shoes, and walk.
– The only person you can count on is yourself. Trust your gut.
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 “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones  you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

– Mark Twain